Monday, October 8, 2007

GUEST POST from Adoro Te Devote

This was originally posted on the Ides of March 2007 by Adoro Te Devote . I am putting up some outtakes in honor of Respect Life Sunday, which was yesterday. [used with permission]

Did I Kill My Little Girl?

I am terrified to write this post. There are some parts of my past that I have alluded to but have never come out directly to admit, and part of that is pride; I want to be seen as a "good Catholic girl." The truth is that maybe today I'm mostly a "good Catholic woman" but in the past, I was not. I got lost and I bought into our culture, and it's terrifying and even humiliating to admit the mistakes I made while I was wandering around in the desert of my own creation.

But I am even MORE terrified that someday, I may meet another woman with the same questions I have now. She will ask me why I didn't warn her and why I didn't try to save her babies. I can't undo my past, but I CAN influence someone else's future.

One day at work as I counted down the night-shift hours, I saw a black-and-white photograph of a little girl and I KNEW I needed to reproduce this image. I took out my art supplies and carefully began to draw. I tenderly began to form the features that made up her face, her eyes, and her hair. I put deep, deep love into each and every stroke of the pencil and then of the charcoal. And then I carefully colored in her own personal hue, trying to infuse life into her pudgy baby-fat cheeks. I kept the sadness in her face, the solemn gaze in her eyes, and the subtle pout to her lips.
This child spoke to me. This child could have been mine.

I don't have a lot of my own art work on my walls, but this is one that was destined from its conception to face me every single day. I see what might have been.

I see my little girl. A little girl who never came to be because I might have killed her.

Please, please, I beg you from the bottom of my heart and the depths of my soul to throw away your pills, your condoms, your sponges, your IUD's, and, please, don't kill your baby ... contraception does, in fact, cause abortions. It does this because contraception cannnot necessarily suppress ovulation. And if ovulation occurs, and a child is conceived, that zygote cannot be implanted. Contraception makes the womb uninhabitable and flushes the new life out and away and into death...

Can you really look into the eyes of this child and deny her life?

Reads like one heck of 'a second chance'.

Thanks for letting us read this, Adoro.

Uncle Jim


Christina said...

Uncle Jim,

I need to stop reading your blog at work. I'm in tears.

I also suffer the same doubts as Adoro, only I took the morning after pill. When I went to PP I asked if it was an abortion, the woman told me no.

She then took a piece of paper and a cotton ball. She explained how it (the cotton ball) wasn't a fetus until it was implanted in the womb (the paper). All the pill did was make it unable to implant. She then move the paper so the cotton ball bounced around and fell off.

I can still see that cotton ball bouncing on that paper as clearly as when I was standing there. No matter how many times I tell myself that I may not have actually have done so, a part of me is convinced I killed my little boy that day.

uncle jim said...

Thanks, for commenting.
We don't supply Kleenex, though.

Any other of the posts affect you that way?

I haven't seen anything from you since the MEME. We novices gotta practice together.

I could just be time for a story from you. It can be on any event, not just the you allude to here. I WOULD APPRECIATE IT, and I know others will be touched.

SO-o-o-o-o ...