10 [or 11] Things You Never Hear in Church
1. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew!
2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.
3. Personally I find homilies much more enjoyable than golf.
4. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.
5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Religious Ed class.
6. Forget the usual minimum salary. Let's pay our pastor so he can live like real people do.
7. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!
8. Since we're all here [har-har], let's start Mass early.
9. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.
10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!
[11.] Silence in the pews before Mass